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Post by christine , on Apr 20, 2009 21:09:44 GMT -5
TITLE: Untitled I
TYPE: Free Verse.
CRITIQUE: Yes.
OTHER: Just wrote this...
small beads of sweat
f
a
l
l
from the brow
of one determined
to perfect every last technique
no satisfaction in that
below
it's an obsession
taking hold the mind
to reach the end
is to start again
once achieved
no longer enough
it becomes part of you
who you are
who you must become
there are those
who wish to discredit
tarnish the triumph
we can prove
that we are different
and they are despicable
a l o n e
a warrior stands
but they know
there are others
like them that
have the same obsession
a l o n e
we are weak
united
we are strong [/blockquote]
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Post by Kaiya on Apr 21, 2009 9:51:02 GMT -5
1. I'm glad you're interested in writing more poetry, you're very gifted. 2. I love this. It moves like a story and, as such, seemingly fluctuates from one topic to another. Yet, it's all held together uniformly. 3. A question, should "f/a/l/l/s" be "f/a/l/l" because you're talking about multiple beads of sweat falling?
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Post by christine , on Apr 21, 2009 15:54:51 GMT -5
Thank you, dear!
It's actually based of karate. Our instructor is always talking about the journey to becoming a black belt.
And, yes, your right. Lolz. I edited it.
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Post by Kaiya on Apr 21, 2009 16:11:22 GMT -5
Tehehe. Awesome. ^^;
*blushes* Sorry I'm such a psycho about things. XDXD
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Post by christine , on Apr 22, 2009 16:40:24 GMT -5
Dude, it's cool. I'm normally like that, too. ;D
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Post by Kaiya on Apr 22, 2009 17:24:14 GMT -5
For some reason, that doesn't surprise me. XD I'm finding an awful lot of similarities between you and me. LOL
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Post by christine , on Apr 22, 2009 20:45:28 GMT -5
Maybe we're separated sibs? Not probable, but...
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Post by Kaiya on Apr 22, 2009 21:06:29 GMT -5
well, with my colossal family...anything is possible. XD
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